Learning about Relationships

Over the past few years I have learned a lot about relationships, especially when it is best to either take a break or completely leave an unhealthy relationship. No I do not believe that there is any ONE model relationship because every person is unique-therefore every relationship between two people will also be unique. However, there are many basic signs that could point you to knowing that a relationship is not going to or should not last.

 First, it is important to note that having unrealistic expectations out of a relationship or a person will be detrimental. People are just that—people—we are naturally prone to sin and make mistakes. You will fail or disappoint the person you are with or without meaning to, just like he or she will disappoint you from time to time. But, how to deal with being in a relationship with an imperfect person is to not EXPECT him or her to complete you or fulfill your every need or want. No person on earth can live up to that standard. Only God will always remain by your side and never disappoint you, whenever you are going through something difficult just know that God has better plans for your life than the ones that we make for ourselves. Remain strong and trust in the Lord to fulfill your needs and life-not a human.

I learned that if his best and closest friends are not good Christian influences in his life, then he will probably have to face many challenges that you do not agree with. Similarly, if he is not a strong Christian who is determined to live a life representative of Christ, then he is likely to not resist the temptations set forth by his friends—like excessive drinking, porn, loose relationship standards, lying, etc. If you want a relationship and life built on a mutual relationship with God, then you have to live and pursue that life while dating. Dating can be considered practice for marriage, if he does not stay true to you during your dating relationship or work towards a mutual foundation in God, what makes you think that he will be suddenly a different person and committed to you and God once you are married?

I learned that if you find yourself talking bad about your significant other to your friends or family more often than you speak of the good, then there is a definite problem. Yes some things can be worked out and relationships do require work, but if you are having “talks” every week or so about recurrent issues that are never resolved—it may be time to let this relationship go.

There comes a time when one needs to realize that relationships do not have to be that HARD. Please realize that if you argue or fight daily or are consistently falling back into bad habits of taking the other for granted, no dating relationship is worth that kind of stress and heartache.

I definitely recommend reading the 5 Love Languages if you are in a relationship or even if you are single and want to learn more about yourself and what is most important to you. After my difficult relationship I decided that I no longer wanted to be the person that I was with him and I wanted to prevent myself from ever going through the same challenges again, I read Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married. This book lays out many ways to deal with issues that arise in relationships and also how to prepare yourself to be in a serious relationship even while single, dating, or engaged. (Both books are by Gary Chapman)